“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
― Dale Carnegie
Be Genuinely Interested in Others
In past social settings, I’ve mostly talked about topics that fascinated me.
But after reading the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, I’ve learned to put the spotlight on other people rather than on myself.
By being genuinely interested in others, I can become more interesting to them. And by asking questions about them, I can get others to talk about themselves and their curiosities.
In addition, by discussing lighthearted and joyful topics, they associated that positive feeling with me.
This will increase my likeability around them.
There have been many interactions in which I haven’t shared much about myself, yet the other person felt a strong connection with me simply because I listened to them.
I made them feel heard.
But to build a meaningful relationship, I must also disclose information about myself. This way we can relate to each other and create trust.
However, I always try to put the emphasis back on others by asking more about them. As a result, they have the opportunity to shine further.
In return, I learn more about them through conversation. They also feel great talking about topics that excited them. And after getting to know them, I can choose to deepen the relationship.
This is a constant practice to grow and expand my network of connections.
Everyone’s Favorite Subject Is Themselves
After engaging in small talk, you can ignite others’ enthusiasm by discussing their interests. That’s because most people like to talk about themselves. You can ask questions such as these:
- “What has been exciting to you lately?”
- “What personal projects have you been working on?”
- “What are you currently passionate about?”
Or you can simply express them in a statement.
“Tell me about your [insert topic].”
The blank may include the following:
- Day
- Weekend
- Passions
- Current excitements
- Projects
When you make others feel good about themselves, they attribute those favorable emotions to you.
In return, you become more likable and they would want to spend time with you again.
When your name comes up in their head, others identify you with those pleasant moments in your previous interactions.
More often times than not, people don’t remember exactly what you said in the conversation. However, they do remember their experience with you.
If your encounter with them wasn’t positive, chances are quite low that they will want to meet up with you in the future.
Think about it. Would you want to hang out with someone you didn’t have an enjoyable time with?
In conversations, it will be tempting to strictly talk about yourself rather than putting the focus on others. But to replace this old habit, you can start with small steps. The more you strengthen the change, the easier the new practice becomes.
In your many encounters, you’ll inevitably meet people who won’t like you. Understand this is normal.
Not even the most charismatic man in the world can make everyone like him. That’s because each of us has our own unique preferences.
Although we may not enjoy being around someone, we can still treat each other with respect because we are all human.
There’s no need to be impolite. How we treat others is a direct reflection of our character.
For example, If you have high self-esteem, you will show that in your interactions. You wouldn’t feel the need to put others down in order to bring yourself up.
Build Trust with Meaningful Interactions
After establishing likability with others, you can build on the relationship to create trust. To achieve that, you must share information about yourself.
Because of our natural tendency for approval and validation, we tend to only show our highlight reel. Because by doing so, the world can see how amazing our life is.
There is definitely a time when we want to tell others about our wins and victories. However, life is not always filled with rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. There will be unavoidable times of struggle and defeat.
That’s part of the human experience.
When we remove the mask and display what’s truly going on in our lives, others can relate.
This allows them to know the following things about us:
- Our past struggles
- Our current challenges
- Our fears and doubts
Exhibiting your flaws, you are open to criticism and attacks. It’s an honorable and respectful act to reveal your true self to others. You allow them the opportunity to connect with you on a deep level. By leading with vulnerability, you create space for others to relate to you meaningfully.
Showing your authenticity and genuineness, you are not hiding anything. In return, they feel closer to you and you will gain their trust.
Closing Thoughts
To become more likable to others, you must embody a genuine interest in others through curiosity. You want to learn more about them by asking engaging questions that focus on them.
Since a meaningful conversation involves both parties, you must also share information about yourself. By telling personal stories that can encompass both positive and negative feelings, you give others the possibility to relate to you.
By communicating sensitive information about yourself, you become trustworthy in their eyes. Afterward, you can further strengthen the relationship by following through on your words with action.
The benefits of having those types of connections can ignite more personal and professional opportunities. They may include:
- Parties
- Events
- Jobs
- Businesses
This can lead to more happiness, success, and fulfillment in your life. Therefore, make a conscious effort to create worthwhile and lasting bonds with everyone you can.
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