“If you want to have more, you have to become more. For things to change, you have to change. For things to get better, you have to become better. If you improve, everything will improve for you. If you grow, your money will grow; your relationships, your health, your business and every external effect will mirror that growth in equal correlation.”
― Jim Rohn
- Are you living an average life by playing it “safe?”
- Do you want more out of life?
- Do you lack a strong sense of purpose?
I have a huge network of friends with an array of medical doctors, scientists, lawyers, and engineers. Some of them are living the dream of their life while others are just going with the flow.
And among them was I, pretty confident of the fact that I wasn’t living the dream of my life. I was working as a chemical engineer with a great company and everything looked great on the surface, but in reality, it was not.
I had everything that I was “supposed to have.”
- A high-paying salary
- An amazing social circle with a loving family and caring friends
- A comfortable place
- An abundant dating life
- A fancy car
But still, something was missing. However, at the time, I had no idea of that “something.” With a deep sense of emptiness, I challenged myself with polarizing questions.
- “Is this all there is to life?”
- “What is my reason for being here?”
- “What do I want to be remembered for after I die?”
After examining my life, I realized this important discovery:
I was following a path that is carved for me by my parents and society.
By conforming to others’ terms, I did the following:
- I was playing it “safe” by not breaking any rules.
- I was obedient to my parents being afraid of upsetting them.
- I had to be “successful” based on society’s definition.
But the reality was:
I was wasting my life living someone else’s dream.
What I deeply desired was to live my ideal life.
I made a decision and courageously went after that.
I am now experiencing what I wanted – I started helping other men find their life’s purpose.
It wasn’t easy for my parents to accept the abrupt change in life’s direction. But with time and a deep understanding of my source for meaning, they completely supported it.
The same went for my real friends. They all wanted me to experience life fully and live without regrets.
Ever since then, my life has changed dramatically for the better. Because I am contributing to a worthwhile cause, I am excited to wake up every morning. Everywhere I go, I am grounded in my purpose. As a result, I enjoy more fulfillment and satisfaction.
Unfortunately, that’s not true for most men in modern society. Often I see men wandering around with sad faces “chasing” something.
That elusive “thing” may include:
- The perfect job
- An attractive partner
- A big house
- The fancy car
- A certain amount of money
To achieve their desires, they sacrifice their lives for it. As a result, they start compromising their health, relationships, and even their sanity.
Having a look at some of these disturbing statistics might explain this better.
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About 30% of the male population is obese.[1]
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Roughly 31% of men have suffered from clinical depression.[2]
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In 2016, the suicide rate for men in the U.S. was 13.32 (6.62 for Asian men). Also, the suicide rate in men is about 3.32 times higher than that of women.[3]
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Nearly 30% of the male population reports some level of alcohol & substance abuse.[4]
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Loneliness is the biggest threat facing middle-aged men.[5]
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The General Social Survey found that the number of Americans with no close friends has tripled since 1985. They lack a confidant to tell their troubling life issues.[6]
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51% of employees aren’t engaged at work and they feel no connection with their jobs. As a result, they do the bare minimum.[7]
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40 to 50% of married couples in the U.S. end in divorce and the rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.[8]
With all these demanding challenges, men need more help than ever. This may be counterintuitive, but asking for support does not make you weak.
It’s quite the opposite.
There is nothing wrong with seeking assistance. No one is ever “perfect.” You are human and errors and bound to happen. By portraying vulnerability, you are showing your true self.
Look at all the best professional athletes in the world. They are great because they had a mentor to guide them. Without their coach’s guidance, do you think they would have been that successful?
- Would Michael Jordan have been one of the most skilled basketball players in the world without the coaching from Phil Jackson?
- Would Joe Montana have won four Super Bowls without the help of Bill Walsh?
- Would Michael Phelps have been the most decorated Olympic swimmer without the support of Bob Bowman?
To get to the next level, you must have someone who understands your unique problems and can offer you customized solutions. That’s where personalized coaching comes in.
Having a mentor by your side will accelerate your growth and get you from where you are today to where you want to be.
A coach will provide you with clarity in life and will help you identify what is truly important to you. Also, he will hold you accountable for the goals that are aligned with your values.
One thing you can be sure of is to achieve more success (however you define it) than you have ever before.
To experience greatness in all areas of your life, you must invest in coaching.
Here are ten reasons why you should hire an empowering men’s coach.
1. You Are Living a Scripted Life Which is NOT Written by You
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
― Mark Twain
Ask yourself:
“Am I living a life that is true to me?”
All your life, you’ve been told how to live your life. Right from waking up and going to school to getting a job and earning money, you must have been following what you are told to.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with having luxurious things and living a comfortable life. But is that what you wanted your life to be?
- Are you genuinely happy and fulfilled?
- How do you want to spend the rest of your life?
- What do you want to be remembered for after you die?
Deep down, you know what you truly want. You are simply afraid of confronting it and living it courageously.
Regardless of your fear, understand these facts:
- You have the power to write your movie script.
- You are the protagonist in your life story.
- You are the emperor of your kingdom.
Ultimately, how you choose to live your life is entirely up to you.
A men’s coach can help you discover your deepest truth. He will help you start living your definition of a meaningful life.
2. You Live in Fear and Are Afraid to Step Outside of Social Norm
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu
Beneath multiple layers, you know you want to do more with your life. But yet, you’re scared to take the first step.
And the biggest fear is being judged by others. These “others” can be any of the following:
- Family
- Friends
- Significant other
- Relatives
- Colleagues
You are afraid because you don’t want to be seen as an outcast.
However, you need to understand that it’s completely normal. Whatever you do, you would be judged anyway because it’s hardwired in us.
Just examine all the great leaders from the past and present and try to find out what made them the person they were.
Which innovators did not make a bold move?
Historical figures such as Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, and John F. Kennedy all took a stand on something they truly believed was worthwhile.
Despite the fear, they all carved their unique paths. They knew the risks involved and the possible outcomes, yet they stayed grounded in their beliefs and acted courageously.
Because of their brave behaviors, they could create significant things. However, throughout the entire process, the one consistent thing was their trust in themselves.
Whatever fear you may have, realize that it is there to protect you. It’s hardwired in your brain through millions of years of human evolution.
When you analyze your fears realistically and intelligently, you can create solutions to deal with the many potential problems.
For example, if you’re fearful of going up to that beautiful woman and starting a conversation, think of the worst thing that can happen. Unless you lack social intelligence and are an indecent man (which I know you aren’t), you won’t get slapped on the face. If she ignores you or shows disinterest, you respectfully accept her response and go on with your day.
The pain from potential rejection is only projected in your brain. The anticipated outcome becomes reality because you have made it true.
A men’s coach can help you cut through the excuses and delusions you have created for yourself. He can provide you with a positive perspective that you have not realized before.
3. You Lack a Strong Sense of Purpose
“Those who have a “why” to live, can bear with almost any “how.””
― Viktor Frankl
- Do you know your “why” for being where you are?
- Are you easily persuaded by others’ thoughts and opinions like a leaf in the wind blowing from one place to another?
When you lack a strong self-developed belief system, you follow the trend and chase the most current shiny object.
Growing up through childhood and adolescence, you have absorbed the beliefs through society (your parents, friends, and teachers). These beliefs are engraved so deep that you think those ideologies are self-made and the only philosophies in life. With this perspective, you continue to live your “dream life” others have formulated for you.
But there comes a time when nothing works. You take a pause and wonder what you have been doing all your life and why?
By the time you realize this, it’s too late. Lacking fulfillment, happiness, and the drive to continue your previous path, you seek out distractions and the various forms of instant gratification. This may include the excessive use of the following:
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Porn and masturbation
- Gambling
- Having meaningless sexual encounters
All these activities numb you temporarily as they allow you to escape from reality. This momentary satisfaction can only keep you away from your true cause of misery for so long.
Eventually, you’ll have to face life.
A men’s coach will help you walk on the path of self-discovery. Slowly but surely, you’ll learn more about yourself and establish your core values. These are the foundational principles that you will live your life by.
As you dive deeper into your journey, you’ll find your intuitive life’s purpose and eventually your deepest reason for being here. As a result, you will be grounded in your principles like a mountain.
You’ll come alive because you have a strong drive for life.
4. You Don’t Have Someone Who Deeply Understands You in Your Life
“The good life is built with good relationships.”
― Robert Waldinger
You feel alone because you think you’re traveling the journey by yourself. All your friends are still zombified living someone else’s dream.
When you do spend time with them, they don’t get you. They either cannot or do not want to relate to the challenges you’re facing. Their proposed solution is to get drunk at the bar.
Although your friends care about you, most of them are clueless when it comes to truly helping you.
Even if they do know the cause and solution, they won’t tell you the brutal truth you must hear because they’re afraid of damaging their friendship with you. Worst yet, they want you to stay in misery so you can “settle” just as they have.
- Are those the type of people you want to spend time with?
- Aren’t real friends supposed to have your best interest at heart and help you solve problems?
- Shouldn’t they have the power and privilege to tell you what you desperately need to know?
That’s because you as a true friend would do the same for your friends.
Now with a men’s coach, he will tell you things you need to hear rather than those you want to hear.
He is not there to be your friend, although he can be. His top priority is to help you get results and become who you want to be.
The things he says will polarize and challenge you. At times, you may hate what he conveys on the surface level. But at the core, you’ll appreciate and respect him because he sees through your self-imposed reasons.
5. You Lack True Masculinity
“Man is nothing else, but what he makes of himself.”
― Jean Paul Sartre
You have been taught to be 100% obedient all of your life. Because by doing so, you’ll have a joyful and problem-free life.
How is that working out for you?
It’s not inherently negative to be nice and obliged to others’ requests but it can be a problem when it goes against your highest desires.
Internally, you feel distraught about carrying out the task, and perhaps that’s the biggest reason you feel forced. Your submissive behavior doesn’t make you truly happy inside. By always being compliant, you even train others around you to treat you the same way.
This clearly shows that you lack a strong foundation for self-respect and self-love.
When you dedicate energy to constantly meeting others’ demands, you rarely have time for yourself. You don’t take the time to fulfill your wants and needs.
Then there’s the other end of the spectrum when you become obnoxious and think you’re better than everyone else.
You put on a mask to hide your true self. You pretend to be “tough” and “macho” so no one will mess with you. Because of your façade, others are afraid of you. And as a result, they won’t like you or can relate to you.
If that isn’t masculinity, then what is?
True masculinity is about having a well-balanced of the following traits:
- Strength
- Discipline
- Courage
- Leadership
- Passion
- Persistence
- Integrity
- Vulnerability (most important)
Having a men’s coach by your side, you’ll learn to put yourself first.
By having self-care, you become more invigorated and excited because you have met your desires.
You’ll identify and do those activities which will give you more vitality and zest. You’ll start saying “yes” to engagements you enjoy doing and people whom you like spending time with.
By doing so, you’re removing things that don’t serve you and those who drain your energy. As a result, you can become truly selfless and give to others without any attachment.
Also, you’ll learn to open up and present your real self. By doing so, you allow others to connect with you.
Through sharing your challenges with people, you gain their trust because you’re showing them your flaws and struggles. This will increase your likeability and trust with everyone you come in contact with.
In return, you’ll be able to create more meaningful and loving relationships.
6. You Always Get Friend-Zoned by Women You Like
“By trying to please everyone, “nice guys” often end up pleasing no one — including themselves.”
― Robert A. Glover
You’re a “Nice Guy.”
- To win a woman’s heart, you always do nice things for her.
- You show up when she calls you.
- You set aside your agenda to make time for her.
- You let her walk all over you like a doormat.
- Even when she is in the wrong, you’re afraid to stand up for yourself and speak what’s exactly on your mind.
- You’re fearful that if you did, you would upset her and she could potentially leave you.
You think that by always being sweet and buying gifts for her, you’ll have her love forever.
Yes. It’s important to be kind to women and treat them with respect. But the way you are doing it is not correct.
What attracts the opposite sex is your personality. That’s what will keep her staying around; it’s because of your authentic character.
All the materialistic things like money, luxurious house, or fancy cars are just extensions of who you are.
Even without all of those glorious items, you can still keep her captivated and interested because she is attracted to you as a man. She realizes you’re an amazing person and is a rare gem.
On the other hand, if you do find women who want to be with you because of what you have, your best option is to run in the opposite direction.
Take a moment and think about it.
- Would you want a woman who only likes you for what you have?
- What will she do if one day you lost everything?
- What are the chances she will still want to be with you?
You neither understand the working of male and female attraction nor the psychology of the opposite sex.
With the help of a men’s coach, you will become your best self. In return, you authentically attract women who are like you.
By learning how to be 100% unapologetic, you state your true intention with women. You’ll view “rejection” as a filtering process in choosing a woman who is compatible with you. You’ll experience more love and intimacy with your definition of an ideal mate.
7. You Didn’t Have Strong Male Role Models Growing Up
“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”
― Plato
Growing up, you looked up to other men such as your father, uncles, grandfathers, and those on television. Despite learning many invaluable lessons from them, you still lack the true definition of what being a strong masculine man means.
Because of the incorrect representation of men in the media in recent history, the word masculinity has a negative connotation.
This is not to blame your dad or anyone else; they did their best raising you with what they had.
As for men on television, you’re bombarded with poor role models such as Homer Simpson. He doesn’t portray the characteristics of a responsible father or a loving husband.
In the school system, most of your teachers were women (76% of public schools were female).[9] Through osmosis, you learned the definition of being a man from their perspective.
But what boys need to grow into autonomous and responsible men is under the mentorship of another man.
For example, in terms of attracting a woman, what women say they want and what they respond to is completely different. Most women will tell you they want a nice man. However, the men they date are rarely seen as kind.
They indeed want someone friendly because they don’t want to be treated poorly. But they also desire a man who has an edge for adventure and excitement.
There’s a lot more that goes into the attraction of masculinity and femininity.
But above all, you must be a man of value.
Having a men’s coach by your side will accelerate your progress in becoming a strong masculine man. You’ll escape the victim mentality by learning to take full responsibility for your life. You’ll learn to accept your past and current circumstances and use it to your advantage.
Moving forward, you take your life into your hands and create endless opportunities for yourself.
8. You’re Afraid to Ask for Help
“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.”
― Brené Brown
As men, we are taught at a young age to be strong regardless of what might be happening to us. Despite the countless hardships, we cannot show any signs of weakness.
Even if we bleed, we can’t shed any tears.
Because of the long years of social conditioning, you have been trained to suppress your emotions. But the truth is this:
We as men are also humans who have feelings and emotions.
Instead of holding in your sentiments, you can healthily process them by expressing your deepest thoughts. This means showing your emotions when necessary.
By demonstrating vulnerability, you are portraying true strength. By lowering your guard, you’re open to attacks and criticism. By doing so, you’re essentially saying this:
“I am comfortable with myself and my feelings that I’m okay with external strikes.”
Asking for help is a sign of courage.
By admitting you don’t have all the answers and you can’t do it all alone, you demonstrate manliness. By exhibiting vulnerability, you’re indicating relatability, humanness, and genuineness.
This is one of the top traits of a strong masculine man.
Every successful man in the world received help along his way. They had a team of people to advise and help them to get to where they are now. No one attained true success without the support of another person.
You’re no different. Therefore, you must also be willing to ask for help in times of need such as working with a men’s coach.
9. You Don’t Invest in Yourself
“The most important investment you can make is in yourself.”
― Warren Buffett
The best investment you can make is always in yourself.
In the past, you invested in your educational career. Right from kindergarten to college, and perhaps even professional school. The path to knowledge never stops. Also, your education truly starts after graduation.
Real-world wisdom comes after you finish school. Those practical skills are what will allow you to achieve your goals and deepest desires. To get what you want, you must become the man who deserves those outcomes. This means going out and earning them.
By investing in yourself, you learn the necessary skills and knowledge to become the person who can acquire those positive results.
Invest in yourself by:
- Reading books
- Listening to podcasts
- Watching videos
- Attending workshops and seminars
- Working with mentors and coaches
Learning from others allows you the ability to shorten your learning curve and achieve your goals faster and easier.
You will increase your chance of success by avoiding mistakes you would otherwise make if you hadn’t discovered others’ common pitfalls.
Although achieving goals is great, what truly matters is the man you’re becoming. By improving yourself, you can better serve the world, including the people you care about such as:
- Parents
- Siblings
- Lover
- Friends
- Colleagues
As you increase your human capital, you can add more value to the world.
10. You Procrastinate and Put off Things Your Heart Truly Desires
“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
― Steven Pressfield
Despite knowing what you want in life, you make excuses as to why you can’t achieve your goals.
You tell yourself things such as:
- “I’m not worthy enough to do [fill in the blank].”
- “Who am I to deserve that?”
- “I don’t have the credentials to do that!”
Understand that your self-limiting beliefs are there to protect you from getting hurt. That pain comes in many forms such as:
- Rejection
- Disapproval
- Failure
The fear is real because you have bought into the stories you have told yourself countless times.
Perhaps you’re afraid of failure.
Or yet, you’re scared of success. Because by achieving what you set out to do, you will start to challenge other beliefs you may have.
You will realize you’ve been holding back all your life. Activities you once thought were impossible, you now dare to try.
This can shatter your perception of reality and your entire world can come crumbling down.
Then there’s the other end of the spectrum, the fear of uncertainty and the unknown.
We as humans like comfort because it’s safe. Our first priority in life is survival. We want to live for as long as possible.
For example, if you were starved for a few days, the only thing that would be on your mind is where to find your next meal. You wouldn’t be thinking about any minuscule and trivial problems you might have.
To protect yourself from suffering, you procrastinate on your goals. In an unhealthy way, you secretly like it. To delay your progress, you seek out distractions such as:
- Watching television
- Spending time on social media
- Playing video games
These frivolous acts numb you. You may feel great at the moment, but shortly after, you feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied.
What truly will bring joy and enlivenment is doing the very thing your heart truly desires.
That’s where you will find fulfillment.
It’s by committing to a worthy cause you think is meaningful.
It’s not easy but definitely rewarding.
A men’s coach will hold you accountable for the things you say you will do. If you don’t do them, there will be consequences such as harsher goals for next time.
By having the added incentive, you’ll kill procrastination and live with integrity. You’ll back up your words with actions and live a congruent life.
As a result, you’ll feel truly satisfied because you’re growing and becoming the man you’ve always wanted to be.
Your Personalized Men’s Coach
- A men’s coach is an expert professional whose thoughtful questions will help you identify your darkest fears and loving desires. Like you, he is also a student of life. However, his versatile experience will guide you in digging deep and discovering the solutions to your biggest challenges.
- He completely understands the unique struggles of life and can very well relate to what you are experiencing. This is because he either has been in similar situations or has helped other men who have conquered those obstacles.
- Working together with your men’s coach, you will create a personalized action plan. He will hold you accountable for those assignments. This will accelerate your progress and results. And by following through with the exercises, you will also be able to overcome your hardships to become a better man and achieve your desired outcomes.
- He will call you out on your excuses and cut through the B.S. story you’re constantly telling yourself. He will challenge you in extreme ways to unlock your fullest potential.
A men’s coach is also on his personal development journey, but just a few steps ahead of you. With his valuable knowledge and wisdom, he can help you see what you initially can’t.
With that being said, he will NOT do the work for you.
It is you who need to put in the efforts to achieve the desired results. He is only there to support and guide you through the process.
Just like all the great athletes in the world, they must get into the arena and perform the tasks that are asked of them. And the coaches are on the sideline supporting them.
Benefits of Men’s Coaching
Working with a men’s coach brings along many positive impacts. Some of them are:
- Grounded in your deep sense of purpose, you’ll experience life with more meaning and happiness.
- You’ll achieve your desired outcomes faster by having undeniable accountability and avoiding potential pitfalls and common mistakes.
- The empowering and invigorating conversations with your coach will help you destroy procrastination and take massive action towards your specific goals.
- After completing what you thought was impossible before, you’ll develop a new and empowering belief system.
The goal of having a men’s coach is to help you break through your current challenges and get you to where you want to be. As a result, you’ll become more self-sufficient and self-reliant.
Becoming the man you’ve always wanted to be is difficult. A men’s coach will help you make the process easier.
The main purpose of the men’s coaching program is to mold you into a man who:
- Lives with a deep sense of purpose
- Acts courageously and goes after what he wants in life
- Remains calm and composed in the face of adversities and challenges
Closing Thoughts
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
― Tony Robbins
As a man, you’re not defined by your thoughts or words, but rather by your actions.
Your present and future are in your complete control. How you choose to live today, tomorrow, and beyond is entirely up to you.
You can either opt to:
- Continue living an average life with mediocre results in your health, wealth, relationships, and personal growth;
Or
- Invest in yourself and make a permanent lifestyle change to experience life fully.
Which will you choose?
If you would like to explore the possibility of having a men’s coach by your side, please check out our coaching program down below.
Men’s Coaching Program!
I am on a mission to help 1,000,000 people, but I can’t do that without your help. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful. Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate it!
Footnote References:
[1]Overweight & Obesity Statistics. (2017, August 01). Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/overweight-obesity
[2]Major Depression. (n.d.). Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.shtml
[3]Suicide Statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
[4]Age- and Gender-Based Populations. (2014, September 24). Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://www.samhsa.gov/specific-populations/age-gender-based
[5]Baker, B. (2017, March 09). The biggest threat facing middle-aged men isn’t smoking or obesity. It’s loneliness. – The Boston Globe. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/03/09/the-biggest-threat-facing-middle-age-men-isn-smoking-obesity-loneliness/k6saC9FnnHQCUbf5mJ8okL/story.html
[6]Heid, M. (2015, March 18). Friendship: The Social Health of Friends. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from http://time.com/3748090/friends-social-health/?iid=time_speed
[7]Gallup, Inc. (n.d.). State of the American Workplace. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from http://news.gallup.com/reports/199961/7.aspx
[8](n.d.). Retrieved March 26, 2018, from http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/
[9]The NCES Fast Facts Tool provides quick answers to many education questions (National Center for Education Statistics). (n.d.). Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=28
