“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”
― Roy T. Bennett
Eliminate Filler Words
In 2016, I joined an international non-profit organization called Toastmasters. Its only purpose is to create better speakers and leaders.
My reason for participating was to overcome glossophobia – the fear of public speaking.
At the time, just the mere thought of being in front of an audience made my hands sweat and legs quiver. Using my fear as guidance, I followed it with commitment.
Taking each weekly meeting seriously, I went in prepared. First up was a four to six-minute speech. In the “Ice Breaker” presentation, I shared my hero’s journey:
- What I have experienced
- Who I am now
- Where I am going
With the numerous positive comments and encouraging support from club members, I slowly progressed as a speaker through deliberate and continuous practice. One exercise was consciously removing filler and crutch words such as:
- Um
- Ah
- Er
- You know
- Like
- I mean
- So (starting a sentence)
- And (run-on sentences)
- Well
- Alright (beginning of a sentence)
- Long pauses (unintentional and in the middle of sentences)
By eliminating the above, my sentences became concise.
After every speech, I considered all the constructive feedback carefully and implemented those I found valuable in my sequential talks. In addition, I sharpened the following areas:
- Speech organization and purpose
- Storytelling
- Vocal variety and tonality
- Eye contact, facial expressions, body movement, and hand gesture
- Research materials and references
- Supportive visual aids
- Persuasion and influence
Slowly but surely, my communication and presentational skills improved through dedicated training and rehearsal.
Additionally, all of my speeches were recorded. Although painful to hear my voice and see myself on screen, that invaluable experience allowed me to discover the following ineffective patterns:
- Rapid eye blinking when emotional
- Occasional lip-smacking
- Habitual leaning from side to side
Through dedicated effort and continual training, I was able to eradicate those inept practices. But to maintain and improve over time, I must continue to intentionally practice my craft.
Improve Through Purposeful Training
To refine any skill, you must put in the work.
Therefore, to improve your communication (verbal and written) abilities, you need to practice speaking and writing.
To enhance your writing expertise, you have to write on a consistent basis. For further enhancement, do the following:
- Read books
- Expand your vocabulary
- Sharpen your grammar and sentence structures
- Study about writing
As for speaking, instead of using crutch words, replace them with pauses. Take a moment to think of an answer. This way you’ll sound more articulate and intelligent.
In addition, listen actively to others and identify what they’re really saying. This allows you to do the following:
- Read between the lines and recognize subtleties
- Formulate an eloquent response
- Make others feel heard
By being fully engaged in conversation, you give yourself the highest probability of creating a suitable response.
To express your thoughts clearly, avoid jargon and use exact and appropriate words for your context. This way, you’ll be succinct and concise.
Harness Social Awareness and Intelligence
Your message is important, but what matters more is your delivery. Factors include:
- Nonverbal signals (body language, facial expression, hand gestures, etc.)
- Vocal tonality
- Eye contact
It’s helpful to have a sense of humor and not take yourself too seriously. Once internalized, you can learn to relax during conversations.
As a result, you express a composed body posture and a friendly demeanor.
Even when the interaction isn’t positive, you can still display cordial conduct despite others’ lack of reciprocation.
That’s because you’re always in control of your own behaviors.
Detaching yourself from any outcome, you can simply appreciate the person you’re talking to. In addition, by embodying honesty and humility, you can be open and welcome feedback.
Closing Thoughts
Whether at work, home, or the grocery store, communication is a skill you must use everywhere you go.
Therefore, it’s paramount you have a strong grasp of it.
Having the ability to effectively converse with others will make you more persuasive and influential. Benefits may include the following:
- Persuading your partner to watch any movie of your choice
- Negotiating a raise or promotion
- Selling your ideas to your colleagues
This superpower will lead to more success and happiness.
Make a conscious effort to harness and master this important skill.
I am on a mission to help 1,000,000 people, but I can’t do that without your help. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.
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