“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
― Viktor Frankl
Don’t Give Away Your Power
During one of my meetings with my former colleague, she repeatedly asked questions about the scientific project. Because it required more data, I told her that I don’t know the answers. But she persisted in wanting to know more.
The discussion wasn’t going anywhere, I had to interrupt her and gave her the same answer. She still wasn’t satisfied with my response and desired more information.
This time I tried to change topics. That’s when the situation reached its climax.
Suddenly, she exploded by yelling and screaming at me.
I just sat there dumbfounded. I maintained eye contact and waited for her to finish saying what she wanted.
During that entire time, I chose not to react. Rather, I responded by staying calm and collected.
After she was done, I asked if we can move on to another topic. And this time she agreed.
Before ending the meeting, I apologized to her out of professionalism and respect. Her response was this:
“You made me do this. You need to show me respect.”
I thought to myself: “I can’t make you do anything. You always have the power to choose your thoughts, words, and actions. No one can take your power away from you.”
In that brief moment, my ego wanted to strike back. But with awareness, I chose not to give my power away.
I said nothing and left the room.
Saying anything would have made the situation worse. In her mind, the fault is mine. It wasn’t the time for reasoning. Nothing would have gone into her ears.
The best thing to do is to give her space and time to let her emotions subside.
You’re Always in Control
To increase your awareness in every situation, especially during difficult circumstances, you can ask yourself the following questions:
- “How am I feeling?”
- “Who does this emotion belong to?”
- “How do I want to respond to this challenging situation?”
Most external stimuli are out of our control, but what we always have command of are our thoughts, words, and action.
In every moment, there’s an opportunity for you to activate your inner strength.
When you blame others or the universe for the flaws in your life, even if it’s not your fault because it’s out of your control, you’re giving away your power. By taking complete ownership of your situation, you can focus on what you can control which may include finding solutions to your problems.
This requires courage.
If you are able to take full responsibility for your life, you can start seeing dramatic results.
You can improve on what you can and let go of what you can’t.
Master Your Emotions
Anger is usually caused by your triggers. There’s probably an underlying cause for the explosive reaction. This requires internal work delving into your past and facing traumatic or painful experiences.
Often time it’s driven by the ego wanting to be right.
Lacking power, you feel the need to raise your voice in order to control the situation. By displaying intimidation, you create fear in others’ eyes.
There’s a huge difference between being passionate and angry.
Anger is when someone is talking with a raised voice constantly. Conversely, speaking with passion contains contrast in vocal variety. It’s like a wave that has highs and lows in pitch and cadence to emphasize key points. Additionally, there are distinctions in the speech tempo with occasional pauses to highlight important messages.
During a confrontational conversation, it’s intuitive to react to anger with fury, by raising your voice to intimidate and make yourself think as if you have control of the situation.
This will result in a screaming match and is counter-effective. Ask yourself:
- “Will any positive outcomes come out of this?”
- “Do I feel safe and trust someone who is angry and can’t keep his or her composure?”
- “How likely will I want to interact with this type of person in the future?
Even if you manage to win the argument, you’ll inevitably damage the relationship.
Is that worth it?
With an abundance mindset, you can strive for win-win solutions so you can maintain a healthy and functional relationship with others.
Closing Thoughts
The most effective and charismatic people are those who can stay composed under pressure. They don’t raise their voice and are not shaken by what others say.
They remain calm and collected.
As a result, they can make sound and rational decisions. You can trust them and feel safe in following their guidance.
It’s easy to smile and be happy when everything is going your way. But consider the following:
- What about the inevitable times of struggle and turbulence?
- Can you stay calm and handle the situation with grace?
- Will you be able to not give your power away?
It starts with awareness to know how you’re feeling at every moment. In it, you have a choice.
Breathe deeply, smile, and take control of your emotions, thoughts, words, and actions. No one can take away your power unless you allow them to. Ask yourself:
“Do I want to be right or happy and effective?”
Your answer will allow you to act appropriately.
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