“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Choose to Act Despite Fear
It was a bright sunny day in southern California. I had just run back to the office building from the gym after my midday spin class.
As I was stretching outside of my workplace, I saw an attractive woman on her lunch jog.
This is someone I have seen before running in this area, and have waved at each other when we crossed paths. As she passed by, a million thoughts raced through my head. Some included the following:
- “I wonder what her name is.”
- “Is she single?”
- “I might want to go on a run with her.”
Additionally, I also had beliefs that prevented me from wanting to talk to her.
- “She probably has a boyfriend.”
- “She is running right now and doesn’t want to be bothered.”
- “She probably wouldn’t be interested in you.”
Every second that passed by meant I had to run that much longer of a distance to catch up to her.
Then suddenly, something came over me, and I said to myself:
“There’s no use in guessing. Go talk to her and find out.”
At that moment, I dropped everything and started running towards her.
With every breath, I sprinted as fast as I could shortening our distance.
As I got closer to her, I noticed she had just run across the streetlight and it was turning yellow!
Giving everything I had, I bolted across the street and made it safely. Shortly after that, I caught up to her.
Because she was running with headphones on, I lightly tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention. After turning around, she was startled and stopped running.
This was when I also took a moment to catch my breath. After gathering my courage, I said:
“Hey, I think you’re really cute and wanted to introduce myself. I am Perry.”
Afterward, she took a moment to digest what I said, smiled, and replied:
“Hi, I am [name]. I’m flattered, but I have a fiancé.”
And after absorbing that, I smiled, and responded:
“No worries [name], now I know. It was great meeting you. Enjoy the rest of your run.”
Taking my time turning around before returning to work, I had the biggest smile on my face.
But you may be wondering:
“Why?”
The answer is simple.
I had won my own battle.
I went after what I wanted and did what I was afraid of – to express my truth and be vulnerable to any outcome.
At that moment, I felt invincible.
By conquering what scared me, I grew stronger emotionally by strengthening my courage muscle.
I selected to act in the face of uncertainty without knowing the outcome.
And by seeing the more powerful version of myself on the other side after completing what needs to be done, I choose to proceed with bravery.
It’s not the achievements that matter, which in this case can be reciprocation from that woman. But rather it’s the intangibles such as the following:
- Self-esteem
- Self-belief
- Courage
- Integrity
- Character
By training my response to fear, I am better equipped to deal with uncertain scenarios.
The Other Side of Fear
Fear is a natural part of life.
It’s a defense mechanism that has helped humans survive up to this point.
Its purpose is to protect you.
As a result, it is here to stay.
Therefore, being fearless doesn’t exist. Rather, those who do scary acts choose courage despite experiencing fear.
In modern society, most fears you feel aren’t life-threatening when understood at the primal level, which has to do with your survival and livelihood.
For example, when confronted with a difficult situation at work with your boss, you might be afraid to stand up to your manager because you could lose your job for doing so. At the surface level, you will lose income and be forced to find another job.
And if you don’t have money while searching for new opportunities, you can lose your home, live on the streets, and starve.
Although highly unlikely, this can ultimately lead to death, your most fundamental fear.
Another example may be having fear about talking to an attractive woman because you can be “rejected” by her. This can result in not being able to procreate with this woman and passing on your genes.
And again, even though greatly improbable, this can lead to being forever single.
When paralyzed by fear, you can analyze the potential outcomes and create strategies for handling them. Additionally, identify the benefits of acting courageously and doing what is terrifying.
In the case of standing up to your superior, truly identify your value in the workforce. Realize there are numerous job opportunities for you outside of your current organization. Although you may require time and effort to secure another offer doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it.
And the intangibles are self-confidence and self-trust by speaking your truth. When combined with effective communication skills, you can deliver your message in a constructive way. This way, you can earn the respect of your employer.
As for the scenario of finding a suitable partner, it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t want to be with you.
Realize this:
There are an abundant amount of women who are compatible with you. You just haven’t met them yet.
By going after what you want, you won’t have to ever wonder what could have happened with that one woman.
You now have closure, and can shift your focus and energy to the next one.
And for character development, you again are able to state your truth and express your desires.
In essence, you’re becoming more comfortable with who you are.
This means being independent of external circumstances and reactions, and you are in complete control of yourself.
Train Your Courage Muscle
The difference between someone who is comfortable with taking risks and a person who isn’t is this:
They have made it a conscious choice to do activities that scare them.
Because deep down, they know the benefits of following their heart and doing what they deeply desire. And over time, they have trained their courage muscle.
Eventually, it becomes a habit and part of who they are.
In moments when certain activities trigger fear, they breathe, stay calm, and act. With the proven track of reinforced results they have experienced, they have built resolute confidence knowing they can handle any outcome.
They understand what choosing courage means to strengthen their character. Realizing it’s an integral part of growth, they do what needs to be done.
And bigger the resistance, the larger development they will experience after following through.
Closing Thoughts
Fear is something we all have.
It’s designed to protect us and keep us safe.
But in today’s age, most of the perceived dangers are no longer valid.
Therefore, it’s time to upgrade your definition of safety.
Start by trying small things you may be afraid of and see what happens. Soon, you’ll learn that there’s nothing to be scared of.
Over time, you’ll build a strong courage muscle to help face bigger decisions.
Understand this:
Your constant fear is usually a sign of something you want to do, but are hesitant to attempt because of the possibility of failure, rejection, or disappointment.
At that moment, envision who you can become on the other side of choosing courage and facing it head-on. Let that growth inspire you to take a deep breath and do what your heart desires.
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