“You can’t go through life allowing pain to dictate how you behave. It’s easy to sit here in your bedroom and wallow in your hurt feelings. It’s hard to rise above it.” 

— Adam Braverman

Learn to Be Comfortable With Yourself

In 2013, I made a decision that changed the trajectory of my life.

During that time, I was in a state of pain.

Professionally and personally, I was struggling because of the following:

• Unmotivated at work led by a workaholic manager
• Lack of independence because I didn’t have my own place
• Felt lonely because my friends were focused on their lives

Because my environment was not working, I had to make a change that would benefit me in the long run. 

Imagining what my life could be allowed me to let go of what I had and was comfortable with.

Even though it would be a dramatic change, I believed in myself that I can adapt and learn to rely on myself.

Deep down, I knew it was an opportunity for growth.

And over the learns, I learned that the more afraid I am of something, the more confident that I know I must do it.

Because by overcoming that particular challenge, I evolve into a better version of myself. 

Since my family and friends were physically far away, I learned to embrace alone time.

That was my opportunity to date myself – learning and discovering more about myself.

And in the process, my curiosity led me to explore the following activities:

• Meditating
• Reading
• Listening to podcasts
• Solo hiking/backpacking trips
• Practicing yoga
• Boxing
• Spin Classes
• Practicing tai chi/qi gong
• Participating in improv classes
• Taking salsa dance
• Learning martial arts
• Public Speaking
• Rock climbing
• Physical training – weightlifting, running, cycling, and swimming

This allowed me to take care of myself on all levels.

After having invested in me, I gain these lasting transformational changes which include the following:

• Focus on my effort and detach from any external outcome(s)
• Comfortable with myself and silence
• Further development of essential skills
• Discovery of new interests and hobbies

The most important lesson I learned on that journey was this:

I learned to practice self-love.

This simply means putting myself first by practicing self-care. 

And one of my favorite self-empowering activities is vipassana meditation, which was catalyzed by a 10-day silent meditation retreat.

It had impactful effects as I was tearful remembering childhood memories of feeling unloved. 

I felt my younger self’s life essence and heart’s yearning desire.

After seeing my former self in pain, I expressed empathy and gave him the love and reassurance that he needed and lacked at the time.

Through consistently doing inner child work, I healed from past experiences where I longed for love. 

Additionally, meditation has enabled me to observe my body and thoughts and realized everything in life is impermanent. 

After doing internal work and developing a healthy relationship with myself, I realized relationships are an important aspect of my life,

And by taking the initiative and living with an open heart, I generated opportunities to build genuine connections with others. 

Smiling at others and being the life of my own party, I attracted others who want to be part of my life.

And to truly do my best and give to others, I must first be in a positive and fulfilled state overflow.

Get In Touch With Your Body and Feelings

The body is a vessel for the spirit and soul to live a human experience.

It is full of wisdom and a container for emotional messages. 

Throughout life, the body has been keeping score.

The more apparent are physical injuries, and the less subtle are emotional wounds that linger as tension and stress because of unresolved psychological issues.

And on a deeper level, these are traumas that are blocked vitality that has not been adequately processed and healed.

These stuck energies are from previous body shocks that result from the sudden change of losing certainty and safety. 

These vigor congestions can manifest as the following:

• Hair loss
• Skin damage and decolorization
• Weight gain/loss
• Chronic pain and aches
• Bodily stiffness and tightness

To heal the emotional stress, you must let them arise and eventually dissipate by sitting still and feeling them.

For releasing trauma, you can do the following:

1. Feeling the emotions
2. Grieving and mourning the sadness and sorrow
3. Forgiving yourself and those who have hurt you in the past with compassion
4. Healing by changing the perspective of past events with empowering beliefs

This courageous act can cure dwelling blockages inherited during childhood which may include outdated belief systems, limiting stories, and disempowering narratives.

By choosing to do the dedicated internal work by going inward and confronting pain, you are taking responsibility for your well-being and practicing consciousness.

The time required for overcoming this hurdle will depend on your level of concentrated effort and the duration you have held onto this pain.

For deep healing, inner child work may be the solution.

This involves revisiting past times when you felt unloved, not enough, inadequate, minimized, and/or ridiculed.

With your current wisdom, you can give your younger self what he truly desired – safety and love.

He may have thought he was the reason for everything negative that was happening around him.

But that’s not true.

He needed to know that he didn’t do anything wrong, and that the fighting and disagreements between his parents were their challenges.

And with empathy, you realize they did the best they could with what they had and knew at the time.

He required someone to tell him that he was not the cause for why things didn’t work.

With this exercise, you can parent yourself and give him the love and reassurance he was seeking to make his world sensible.

His innocence and playfulness are very much alive.

To check in with him daily, you can ask him this important question:

“What do you need from me today?”

Sometimes it can simply be a warm hug to make him feel loved and let him know that he is not alone; he will realize that he has your support and that he can come to you for anything.

It is this trusting and loving relationship that he lacked in the past.

By going into the past and repairing those moments, you can then truly live in the present moment and prepare for the future without hindrance from previous baggage.

That’s because you won’t be projecting outdated belief systems onto your current activities and relationships. 

Authentically Connect with Others

With technological advancements, we now live in a world that is well-connected. However, examining it with more scrutiny, we are also more socially disconnected.

Most people have many “friends” and “connections” on their virtual social networks.

But how many of those are real companions who they like and trust and vice versa? 

Would they feel comfortable doing the following?

• Have an open and honest conversation
• Tell the inconvenient truth
• Call them anytime for help and support
• Speak to them about their blindspots
• Pull them forward through inspiration and motivation
• Reveal deepest fears and secrets

Additionally, here are some shocking statistics.

• 15% of men do not have close friendships.[1]
• Loneliness and social isolation are twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity and the lack of social connection heightens health risks equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.[2]

To authentically connect with others on a deep level, you must present your true self.

This means taking off the mask and displaying what is truly going on. This may include sharing the following:

• Challenges
• Doubts
• Struggles
• Wins

As humans, we all are going through similar experiences.

By disclosing yourself, you create opportunities for others to connect and share their experiences.

This way, they can relate to you.

Realize this:

No one is perfect as we all have flaws.

The willingness to be seen emotionally naked requires immense courage.

Those who accept you and appreciate your vulnerability will stay in your life, as they are the people with who you can grow in life.

By going deep in your interactions to show your authentic and imperfect self, you can create lasting and meaningful connections with others.

Closing Thoughts

My self-discovery journey was a personal decision as I chose to find myself by having regular meetings with myself that create joy and aliveness.

In essence, I was dating myself.

The relationship I have with myself is the most important one of all; because wherever I go, there I am.

I am the only person with whom I will spend 100% of the time.

And to practice self-mastery, I practice sitting alone by eliminating all forms of distractions, escapism, and instant gratifications that pull me away from the present moment. 

This allows me to be in complete silence, and deal with any thoughts, discomfort, and even pain that may arise.

As a result, I learn to be comfortable with myself and to choose delayed gratification.

As humans, we are social animals that are hardwired for connection.

And in order to authentically connect with others, we must first be able to deeply feel within ourselves which includes the inevitable pains and struggles.

We are all going through the journey of life and dealing with similar challenges such as health, relationships, finances, and personal growth.

To feel those foreign feelings can be scary and uncomfortable, but it is in those moments healing can be started.

Instead of offloading the pain onto someone or something else, you can choose courage and go into it.

Through doing inner healing for yourself, you can generate growth, self-compassion, and empathy for others who are also in pain. 

Despite not having gone through the exact or similar situations as others, you can learn to put yourself in their situations and start to understand how they feel.

This requires leading with an open heart and giving love to others to forge genuine and meaningful connections.

And these are also people who you can lean on in times of need when you want to share your struggles and challenges.

This will increase your mental wellness knowing that you are not alone on the journey.

Therefore, make a conscious effort to heal yourself from past emotional wounds so you can be more comfortable with yourself.

And as a byproduct, you can authentically connect with others.

I am on a mission to help 1,000,000 people, but I can’t do that without your help. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful. Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate it!

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Footnote Reference:

1. Loneliness and social isolation as risk – sage journals. (n.d.). Retrieved May 19, 2022, from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691614568352 
2. Cox, D. A. (2022, April 7). Men’s social circles are shrinking. The Survey Center on American Life. Retrieved May 19, 2022, from https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/#:~:text=Fifteen%20percent%20of%20men%20have,has%20been%20far%20less%20pronounced.