“What you seek is seeking you.”
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi
Become Your Best
Asking my social circle for dating advice, the most common answer I get is this:
“You just have to be yourself.”
They’re not wrong about that advice.
That’s because being anyone else but myself is an act of deceit.
Not to mention that it’s difficult and tiresome to be someone I’m not.
The key isn’t just to be me, but my best version. That’s the best dating advice I ever received.
I must become the person I want to date.
For me to attract my definition of a high-quality woman, I must be a high-quality man.
By becoming a man of value, I will have similar beliefs and traits to my ideal woman.
I will also believe I deserve her because both of us are on the same level.
My best version is unique to me since it’s based on how I choose to define it.
But on top of becoming a mature masculine man, here are the top three traits and qualities I have found women find attractive in a man.
1. Strong Sense of Purpose
Having a deep sense of life’s purpose isn’t only important in attracting a woman, but also in every aspect of life.
After finding your purpose, you’ll know the following:
- Where you’re headed in life
- What you stand for
- Why you do what you do
Ask yourself:
“Why do I get up every morning?”
“Is it just simply to follow through with the motion or is there a meaningful reason for my existence?”
If you don’t know your purpose, make it your first priority to find out what that is.
You can read the article on how to find your purpose here.
Your purpose is your greatest mission in life. Putting your heart and soul into living your calling, you become most alive.
You light up the fire in your belly and courageously pursue your goals despite fear and doubt.
That strong drive and determination for life are what women crave.
Too often times, women meet men who are a “man-child,” a boy stuck in a man’s body. You lack a sense of direction and vision of where you want to go.
This subconsciously communicates to the woman you’re incapable of protecting her.
She thinks this:
“If he can’t take care of himself, how can he do that for me (and possibly our children)?”
However, never lose sight of your purpose even after you “get” the woman. Don’t make her your highest priority because that will cause her to run away.
You might think she would love you more if you put all your energy into her. But that’s not true because the reason she liked you in the first place was your deep sense of purpose before you met her.
A high-quality woman will be supportive of your mission. She will still be important to you as you will spend time and energy to further develop the relationship.
Your life’s purpose comes first because you’re the captain of your ship, and you steer it in the direction you want it to.
The woman is welcome to join your fun adventure, but you won’t be disappointed if she doesn’t.
The woman who is truly “right” for you will come along and stay.
This is also true for anyone in your life. Never change who you are for anyone else. Only improve for yourself because you choose and want to.
2. Confidence
Having confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident 24/7; it is merely a state you’re in.
It isn’t the same as arrogance. A confident man doesn’t walk around and shows off his confidence; he simply is by being calm and composed in stressful situations.
He portrays his courage by taking action and going after the things he wants despite fears such as failure.
Being confident simply means you have the necessary tools to trust yourself even if you don’t at the moment. They could include the following:
- Exercise
- Read a chapter from your favorite book
- Listen to motivational music
The truth is this:
You already have confidence.
But it might only be in a certain aspect of your life or a certain skill.
For example, you’re already proficient at the workplace because you’re competent at your job.
Regardless of what area of life your self-assurance is the strongest in, you can apply that to other facets. The C.A.K.E formula defines confidence in a logical way.
C = Confidence
A = Attitude
K = Knowledge
E = Experience
Confidence is built over time by having a positive attitude, knowledge, and experience.
A positive attitude is having the willingness and mindset to try new things.
Knowledge is understanding a particular subject. This could be learned by reading books, listening to podcasts, or talking to a mentor.
The last and most important piece of the equation is experience. This is where you apply the information through deliberate practice.
“Failure” is inevitable even though it might not come in your first few attempts. But having that positive perspective will allow you to keep trying despite setbacks.
It’s in those struggles you learn the most.
Don’t be discouraged and underestimate those challenges because they’re opportunities for growth and improvement.
You build confidence every time you have positive results.
Attitude, knowledge, and experience work synergistically in a feedback loop to produce confidence.
For example, you won’t have confidence if you don’t apply what you have learned (knowledge).
Also, you won’t feel confident about experimenting with a new skill if you don’t have any knowledge about that ability.
Lastly, you won’t even attempt a new activity if you don’t have a positive attitude about trying it.
Confidence comes from competence, the proven track record that you’re able to do something.
The more you practice, the better you become at it if you’re applying the correct techniques.
This concept can be applied to anything in life.
Understand you will be horrible at something new initially, but you will improve with dedicated work. Realize everything is a process as it requires time and effort.
Having confidence shows you’re emotionally strong and aren’t afraid of any uncertainty you might face.
You’re in charge of your life by taking extreme ownership and full responsibility for everything that happens.
Women find that quality intensely attractive because it subconsciously communicates to them that you can take care of yourself and her (and potentially your children) if she chose to be with you.
Women want a man who can make decisions and believes in himself. Because they’re hardwired to follow your lead, women will respect you for taking charge of your life.
Even though you make decisions, you still respect her choices as well.
For example, after a long day at work, the last thing she wants is for her to choose what to eat for dinner.
As the man, you take initiative and decide while asking her opinion.
It’s in your nature to live comfortably and away from danger because your brain is hardwired for survival.
But it requires courage for a man to step out of his comfort zone and take risks to pursue what he wants.
Understand this:
You’re not going after what you want in life for the woman. Rather, you’re doing it for yourself.
If the woman is gone, you’ll be in a world of pain.
Your life goes on as long as you live.
Internalize this fact:
You want the woman, but you don’t need her.
Now then getting a woman is only a bonus.
3. Sense of Humor
Everyone likes to have fun.
What easier way to enjoy each other than to laugh?
Most men are just existing instead of living. They’re robots doing what they’re told instead of doing what they truly want.
We all have bills to pay and need to work to create an income. But in modern culture, we have pride in working hard and staying “busy.” We create a mundane routine that numbs us over time.
Going to work on Monday mornings, coming home after work to watch television, then repeating the next four days and looking forward to the weekend, you become predictable and unoriginal.
This zombie-like lifestyle can be boring.
You walk down the street with an angry face because you’re not awakened. You lack fulfillment because you’re not living your dream. Instead, you’re embodying someone else’s.
But when a woman meets a man who’s different – one that genuinely loves life and is able to have fun, she gravitates toward him.
“If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Having a sense of humor doesn’t translate to being a comedian all the time. It simply means you have a well-balanced mixture of seriousness and playfulness.
It’s all situational and you’re the judge of that.
By having fun and creating laughter, you lighten up the mood and make everything less pressing, especially after a long day of work.
Compared to you, women are more emotional and aren’t easily persuaded by logic.
How you make them feel is much more important than what you actually say.
When you’re able to break women out of their regular routine and toss in some amusement in the form of silly banter or challenge, they’re more inclined to play along.
Women want to be with a man who can be adventurous and make life more interesting.
Having a sense of humor and being funny is a skill you can learn by surrounding yourself with your favorite type of comedy.
Examples of practical ways may include the following:
- Read a book full of jokes
- Listen to comedy podcasts that you enjoy
- Watch videos of your favorite comedian
Closing Thoughts
Not every woman you meet will be interested in you even if you’re doing all the right things because you’re not every woman’s type.
The reason it didn’t work out isn’t that of you or her; it’s due to both.
She isn’t interested in you because you don’t have certain traits she’s looking for. It’s also because you don’t have those attributes.
But there’s no right or wrong about that. It comes down to the misalignment of values and incompatibility.
This is a great way to filter out the “wrong” women.
Be glad things didn’t work out because you now have the opportunity to meet someone new who’s compatible with you.
Then dating becomes a numbers game.
The more women you meet, the higher the chance you will encounter a woman who’s the right fit for you.
But you can increase those odds by going to places where your definition of a high-quality woman resides.
For example, if you value health, don’t try to meet women at bars or nightclubs. The likelihood of connecting with a health-conscious woman there is low since those types of places serve alcoholic drinks late at night.
This is the same as trying to buy a pair of slippers at the Men’s Warehouse store. You might find what you’re looking for there if you’re lucky, but the probability is slim.
Therefore, you must set up your environment for success and equip yourself with the proper knowledge.
Have patience, apply what you’ve learned, enjoy the journey, and have fun!
Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. If you do, it’s unfair to you and her. Both of you win when you choose each other.
Now go out and get what you want.
I am on a mission to help 1,000,000 people, but I can’t do that without your help. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.
Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate it!
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