“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
― Brené Brown
Speak from Your Heart
With a resolute commitment to grow as a speaker and leader, I attended Toastmasters meetings regularly. During my journey, I presented speeches that always included a personal story.
And through sharing my unique life perspective and narrative, I made meaningful connections with some of the club members, one of which was a professional speaker.
During one of our casual conversations, he asked questions in an effort to discover my “fire story” – the life transformative moment and decision which significantly changed my life’s trajectory.
After hearing my “fire story,” my friend included our dialogue in one of his subsequent presentations.
Then one day, he invited me to be one of the speakers for his event at a local church. This was in an attempt to finish one of his projects to become a Distinguished Toastmaster (DTM), the highest accomplishment in the Toastmasters organization.
Without hesitation, I agreed to support his endeavor. This way, in addition to helping my friend, I also have an opportunity to practice my speaking skills and spread my message to a new audience.
Two weeks after the event, he told me he was hosting a “Fire Story” workshop and wanted me to be one of his guests to be interviewed on stage.
And again without delay, I said “yes.”
During the event, I sat in the back and took notes as my friend gave engaging and informative presentations about discovering and creating the “fire story.”
Then the moment finally came when he and I were on stage.
The interview started with a few questions about my book and why I chose the title. Then we delved deep into my story.
That’s when I shared in vivid detail speaking from the heart. And through that, I was able to connect with many people reflected by their attentive ears and focused eyes.
Then towards the end of the interview, my friend asked me this question:
“What message do you want to leave the audience with today?”
Knowing their pain points, I wanted to show them that there’s no need to chase anything. Everything we ever want is and has always been within us.
We just forgot through numerous years of social conditioning.
And as I was sharing that, my strong desire to help others erupted resulting in tears rolling down my face.
At that moment, I took a long deep breath. As I scanned across the room, everyone’s eyes were on me.
They were relating to me because I spoke my truth.
I was emotionally naked.
They can see all my flaws and imperfections, a grown man crying.
A scene that traditionally would be seen as weak, but courage and strength in those who understand the essence of vulnerability and human connection.
After the event was over, many men and women thanked me for sharing my story. They found it real and inspiring.
And even my friend, after reading the first chapter of my book a few weeks later, wrote me an email sharing how much he enjoyed reading it and was surprised to see tears rolling down my face when I described not my pain, but the pain of others and my passion for helping them.
Learn to Ask for Help
Through the years of conditioning from Hollywood and society, men have been taught to be physically and emotionally tough.
No matter what happens, you cannot show any signs of frailty. Because by showing emotions of sadness and fear, you are seen as weak.
In school, you have been taught the phrase “big boys don’t cry.”
This belief was further enforced by other boys who would bully and ridicule you if you did.
Fearful of being called feminine names, you learned to suppress your feelings and bury your emotions.
Through many years from childhood to now, you have created a powerful practice that has become a formidable habit and philosophy.
To start breaking this engraved pattern, you can do the following:
- Journal your current struggles
- Seek out professional help from a therapist
- Join a local men’s group
- Share your challenges with your closest male friend
Having a band of brothers who you trust and depend on is invaluable to your growth.
They are able to hold the space for you to reveal your deepest fears, current challenges, and past traumas. In these meetings, you can have honest and meaningful conversations by having regular check-ins. Additionally, they are able to call out your thwarting stories. With a single look, they know if you’re playing small.
And in times of victory, they celebrate your wins as they see your success as their own. These are men who will pull you forward while standing beside you.
Strike a Balance
As men, we have both masculine and feminine energy. It requires courage and complete self-acceptance to express both.
You’re the decision-maker for when to use each.
Utilizing your feminine energy, you can listen attentively rather than trying to fix others’ problems. Oftentimes, what they want is to feel heard, approved, and validated.
When in doubt, you can ask them this question:
“Do you want me to listen to your problem or would you want my help in fixing it?”
Let their answer guide your action.
When you are able to strike a balance between the masculine and feminine, you’re utilizing your full energy.
To harness more of your femininity, you can do the following:
- Revisit old hobbies and interests
- Draw and paint
- Write and read
- Listen to music
- Go for a long walk on the beach
Carve out time to enjoy the present moment.
As opposed to the masculine which wants to be constantly on the go, the feminine requires time and space to simply be. That way, creativity can surface and play.
Let time be filled with no agenda and listen to your body’s desires and wisdom. It may want to do the following:
- Dance
- Sing
- Self-introspection and reflection
- Rest
Be okay with stillness and not having the need to be busy. By having time to relax and recharge, you’ll have more energy during times of productivity.
Closing Thoughts
Everyone is going through his or her unique struggles.
By tapping into your feminine side, you are able to feel, express, and describe your emotions. By doing so, you can empathize and relate to others to create significant connections.
To live with full power means being able to embrace both masculine and feminine energy.
It’s situational when to use each as you’re the judge of it.
Practice setting yourself free of any emotional burdens through the act of simply sharing your feelings.
I am on a mission to help 1,000,000 people, but I can’t do that without your help. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful. Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate it!
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