“The mind is like water. When it’s turbulent, it’s difficult to see. When it’s calm, everything becomes clear.”
– Prasad Mahes
Practice Brutal Honesty With Yourself
In one of my past romantic relationships, I had to make the difficult decision of ending it.
The process leading up to that conclusion required time, space, and most importantly, brutal honesty with myself.
After evaluating the relationship, I found the following:
- I don’t feel appreciated, loved, or respected by her.
- We lack emotional connection because of distrust.
- There’s a misalignment of fundamental core values such as kindness and compassion.
- We can’t have a civilized conversation regarding disagreements.
- I don’t feel empowered to be my best around her.
- We have mediocre sexual intimacy.
Because of the above, I no longer felt excited about the relationship.
After I had made up my mind, the hard part was effectively communicating this to her.
Although this decision was aligned with my heart and deepest desire, I still was afraid to do it.
That’s because I was held back by the two following thoughts:
- Hurting her emotionally
- Leaving the comfort of an established relationship
But having learned from past experiences, I realize where there is the biggest tension also holds the opportunity for the greatest growth.
Viewing this as my chance to train my courage muscle, I chose to express my truth even though I knew this could hurt her since it was not mutual.
However, by staying in this relationship that no longer serves me, I am further causing harm to myself.
That’s because it requires two wholesome people to make any relationship healthy and functional.
A loving connection demands continuous effort, time, and care from both parties.
In a partnership, I’m looking for an autonomous woman who is already complete and fulfilled by herself.
In return, she is also looking for a partner who will add to and complement her life.
And when together, we can learn, create and experience more than we could on our own.
Additionally, we can be best friends to grow, share, and celebrate the beautiful journey of life together.
Hence, I’m not looking for a “project” that wants to be “fixed” or “saved.”
That’s because only she can do that for herself.
In the relationship, my responsibility is to make her feel safe, support her, and be her anchor during her emotional flails.
Dedicating time aside for the uncomfortable conversation, I communicated to her my truth and expressed my gratitude for our time together.
While feeling at fault because she was devastated to hear the news, I was aligned with my heart, because deep down, I knew we weren’t a good fit.
After providing her with closure, I felt a great sense of liberation.
And what happens with her now is completely out of my control, nor am I responsible for her subsequent feelings and behaviors.
That’s because we always have the power to choose our own emotions, thoughts, words, and actions. To heal from this experience, I must do the following:
- Feel my emotions, sorrow, and grief
- Process them and let the internal fires blaze
- Discover the valuable lessons
And once all the suffering has burned to ashes, then I can start the regrowth process and blossom to elevated heights.
Everyone Is On An Unique Journey
The healthiest type of romantic relationship involves two wholesome individuals with similar values walking side by side with a shared vision.
They are traveling along the journey of life together supporting each other. Additionally, they provide mirrors for one another to see their reflections so they further master themselves.
Understand this:
Everyone learns his or her own unique lessons and curriculums at the exact time that he or she needs.
In a romantic relationship, if you’re constantly having to help your partner, you may be forced to deprioritize yourself. Signs of an imbalanced relationship may cause you the following:
- Physical health deterioration
- Adapting unhealthy actions or habits
- Feeling unloved and deprived of enlivenment
- Lacking personal development
And when you are regularly distracted, that takes time and energy away from you to look at your own priorities such as the following:
- Growth
- Purpose
- Passion/hobbies/interests
- Career/business
- Relationships
This doesn’t help you directly, nor her indirectly.
That’s because by not having space for your own needs and wants, you cannot show up in your most powerful state to serve the world, including her.
The most loving choice you can make for both of you is to go your separate ways. This will allow the following:
- Your ex-partner can learn the necessary lessons on her own.
- You regain focus on living your purpose while finding a suitable partner who will add to your life.
Make Decisions When Calm and Collected
As humans, we are emotional beings. It’s a blessing that we can experience feelings of joy, happiness, sadness, and sorrow.
These emotions that encompass the entire human spectrum don’t have to be categorized as “good” or “bad.”
They are simply feelings that we can be aware of when they arise. And what is important is how we manage and use these emotions to serve us for the greater good.
Whether it’s excitement or anger, those emotions can carry massive weight in your decision-making.
For example, anger can often lead to feelings of regret by having said or done something remorseful in the heat of the moment. And conversely, excitement can lead to overcommitment through agreeing to perform a task without knowing all the crucial details.
It’s difficult to be objective since emotions can cause us to be irrational. Because of this, it is paramount to create time and space for your emotions to subside.
And once you are in a calm and collected state, you can make sound and logical decisions. After selecting the rational option, the next part is to implement it.
This is where the rubber meets the road.
Rationally, you know what needs to be done, but you might have resistance around doing it because you don’t want to get hurt.
For example, in a romantic relationship that’s not working, it can be difficult to end it, especially if it’s not mutual because of the fear of the unknown which could cause the following:
- Crying
- Fighting
- Begging
Understand that this is normal.
However, imagine what is on the other side of having done what is imperative.
And let that drive you forward and stay committed to your decision. In this case, you can look forward to having more time to focus on yourself and potentially attracting an amazing partner.
Because to become who you want to be, you must be willing to let go of who you are now.
Therefore, resist the temptation of prolonging the relationship for the sake of comfort and deserve what you want.
Closing Thoughts
When a relationship is clearly not working, cutting the cord indefinitely is beneficial for both parties in the long run.
During the challenging moments, practice presence by staying grounded when the feminine flails in emotional turmoil.
Give yourself permission to release the mentality of needing to “fix” the situation.
It’s okay for her to be emotional.
You do not have to make her stop crying, simply sit with the situation and be comfortable with the discomfort.
Choose courage and stay with the temporary agonizing feeling and receive the delayed satisfaction of ending a relationship that no longer serves you.
Exercise commitment and do that which is aligned with your heart and deepest self.
After any anguish event such as a romantic breakup, it’s necessary to allow adequate time for processing and healing. This way, you won’t have previous baggage and heavy burdens weighing you down in future relationships and interactions. Otherwise, you could experience the following:
- Having shortened temper
- Lacking patience
- Saying and doing regretful things
- Feeling lethargic
The above can be indicators of a deep unresolved issue from the past that is draining energy from you.
Therefore, it’s critical that you do the necessary internal work to process and heal from previous traumatic experiences so you can move forward powerfully.
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