“Stop looking for a partner. Focus on your goals and rebuilding your life. The right person will eventually find their way to you.”
— Shirley U. Care
Call In Your Queen
In 2011, I kick-started my personal development journey by first transforming my health. And after achieving what seemed impossible, I explored other facets of life.
This included improving the following:
- Finance
- Professional life
- Personal growth
- Relationships – romantic and platonic
As I worked on myself, my life and perspective started improving.
And although fully happy and fulfilled by myself, I wanted a partner to share life with. That’s because I realized the true value my ideal woman can add to my life.
With her by my side, we can create, achieve, love, and experience more than we could on our own.
In essence, we would add value to each other’s lives by being supportive and loving partners for one another.
Additionally, we can bring new ideas and perspectives into the relationship based on our different backgrounds and life experiences.
To help each other grow, we can be mirrors for each other and work through personal challenges such as the following:
- Insecurities
- Projections from the past
- Emotional triggers
- Fears and doubts
- Unrealistic expectations
Knowing the “right” woman will add to my life, I continue to search for her.
It’s exciting because I have no idea what she looks like or what her name is.
And trusting the process, I persevere and continue to improve and live my deepest and authentic purpose.
One day, I’ll cross paths with her.
And when that time comes, we’ll be excited and ready to have each other.
To know when I found her, I identified what I want in a partner after dating many women and learning deeply about myself. She embodies the following:
- Growth-oriented, leans on her edges, and values intimacy
- Wholesome, multidimensional, conscious, and awakened
- Independently codependent, sweet, loving, caring, and driven
- Strong emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, sexually, and psychologically
- Doesn’t “need” a man, and wants a partner
- Loves men, embraces her loving femininity and healthy masculinity
- Loves herself, life, and her mission in life
- Takes care of herself and those important to her
- Respects herself and others’ boundaries
- Surrounds herself with great, loving, and inspiring people
- Passionate about her direction in life
- Purposeful, connected, and grounded in her mission
- Genuine and charming
- Works on herself, pursues her hobbies and goals, and actively engages in them without attachments to the outcomes
- Likes nature – hiking, traveling, exercise (rock climbing, yoga, etc.), and health-conscious
- Single and doesn’t have children
- Intelligent, open-minded, charismatic, emotionally aware, and humble
- Enjoys sex, physical touch, meaningful conversation, quality time, learning, and has a similar love language(s)
- Focuses on essentialism, presence, gratefulness, and aliveness
- Values time, relationships, health, and positive impact
- Trusts men and follows their masculine leadership
- Not in debt, financially secure & independent, stable, and a conscious spender
And for my vision and activities with her, we value the following:
- An amazing, passionate, and wild sex life
- Engage in deep and meaningful conversation
- Enjoy traveling together
- Embark on hiking and backpacking adventures
- Exercise together (working out, rock climbing, yoga, etc.)
- Attend sporting events and music concerts
- Inspire confidence in each other
- Love our families and friends
- Appreciate each other’s presence
- Understand and express each other’s love language
- Express compassion for ourselves and others
- Create space with our own friends to recharge
- Practice brutal honesty, vulnerability, and integrity with each other
- Choose growth and evolve together as a team
- Support each other’s core desires
- Share and celebrate life together
By clearly knowing how my ideal woman shows up in the world, I can easily spot her when she appears in my life.
And by having a detailed list of specific activities we do together, I can visualize the feelings and emotions that I would have when spending time with her.
Determine Partnership Compatibility
To identify compatibility, it is imperative that you and your partner are on the same page on important topics. A great resource is a book by the famed and esteemed psychologist Dr. John Gottman called Eight Dates which covers the following:
- Lean on Me: Trust & Commitment
- Agree to Disagree: Addressing Conflict
- Let’s Get It On: Sex & Intimacy
- The Cost of Love: Work & Money
- Room to Grow: Family
- Play with Me: Fun & Adventure
- Something to Believe In: Growth & Spirituality
- A Lifetime of Love: Dreams
These are meaningful discussions to have during the early stage of the dating process to discern compatibility on key topics.
This will save you both time in the long run if you two are not a great fit to begin with.
After realizing you two are in alignment on the important goals, then you can co-create a powerful vision for the relationship and how you can support each other and grow together.
This becomes your mission statement for the partnership.
These conversations can be repeated as necessary to remind you both during different stages of your relationship, such as when children are involved.
Continuously Grow Together
To grow together, you must continually invest in the relationship.
This means investing in the relationship by making each other a priority, even and especially when you have children because of the added responsibility and shift of focus.
You must have regular date nights and spend quality time together to deepen the connection, the foundation, and the reason you two started a family.
By being in love and expressing appreciation for each other, you are portraying excellent models for your kids.
That’s because they learn through your interactions and behaviors what a loving marriage looks like.
To grow together, you must be willing to do new activities and step outside of your comfort zone.
For example, you two can learn to become better parents through others who have done it for decades. This may include the following:
- Conversing with experienced caretakers
- Reading books about leadership
- Podcasts on masculinity and feminity
- Videos on family vacations
- Family counseling
Through learning, you may discover novel date ideas such as the following:
- Taking a dance class
- Learning how to cook
- Visiting a new country
- Playing tourist in your hometown
By creating new memories together, you may learn more about each other. And with continuous care and effort, you two will further deepen the connection.
And that is the key to maintaining the passion and love in the relationship, by regularly dating her the same way you did when you first started.
The intimacy will intensify as you two bond stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
To make your partner feel seen, heard, accepted, and loved, you must embrace her as who she is and not try to change her in any way.
That’s because real transformation can only come from her desire to do so. And if she isn’t open to growth, you two will eventually outgrow each other.
Therefore, it is important to select a mate who takes full responsibility for herself and has the courage to do the inner work.
As a supportive and loving partner, you act as a mirror for her to see herself.
An example may include you saying something that triggers her to react in a certain way. And at that moment, you stay grounded and allow her awareness to see that this is her stuff projecting from her past.
By taking full ownership, she can work through that by creating a new and healthy pattern.
Closing Thoughts
We are all on our unique path while working internally to become better versions of ourselves.
And when met with the right partner, you can use the relationship as a springboard to work on yourself such as responding rather than reacting, and working through triggers and projections from the past.
Having a loving and supportive woman by your side, you can lean on her in times of need and vice versa.
By committing to evolving individually and together as a team, you can experience more intimacy, fulfillment, and satisfaction in the relationship.
Trust the process, and that life is on your side. And when the time is right, your paths will cross.
Keep persevering, because your partner is on her way.
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