“What you seek is seeking you.”
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi
Are you looking to improve your dating life?
Do you want a high-quality woman who you value?
Are you tired of dating women who aren’t right for you?
If you ask your social circle for dating advice, the most common one you get is “just be yourself.”
They’re not wrong about that advice.
You definitely want to be yourself because being anyone else but yourself is an act of deceit.
Not to mention that it’s difficult and tiresome to be someone you’re not.
The key isn’t just to be yourself, but the best version of yourself! That’s the best dating advice I ever received.
Become the person that you want to date!
For you to attract your definition of a high-quality woman, you must be a high-quality man.
By becoming a high-quality man, you will have similar values and traits that your ideal woman has.
You also will believe that you deserve that high-quality woman because you two are on the same level.
Your best version of yourself is unique to you because it’s based on how you choose to define it.
But on top of becoming your best version, here are the top three traits and qualities that I have found women find attractive in a man.
1. Sense of Purpose
Having a strong sense of purpose in your life isn’t only important in attracting a woman, but also in life.
You should know where you’re headed in life; know what you stand for and why you do what you do.
Why do you get up every morning? Is it just simply to follow through with the motion or is there a strong purpose for your existence?
If you don’t know your purpose, then make it your purpose to find out what your purpose is now!
You can read the article on how to find your purpose here.
Your purpose is your greatest mission in life. Putting your heart and soul into living your purpose, you become most alive!
You light up the fire in your belly and courageously pursue your goals despite fear and doubt.
That strong drive and determination for life are what women crave.
Too often times, women meet men who are a “man-child,” a boy who’s stuck in a man’s body. You lack a sense of direction and vision of where you want to go in life.
This subconsciously communicates to the woman who you’re incapable of protecting her.
Her thought is “If he can’t take care of himself, then how can he take care of me?”
Never lose sight of your purpose even after you “get” the woman. Don’t make the woman your new purpose because that will cause her to run away.
You might think that she would love you if you put all your energy into her. But that’s not true because the reason she liked you in the first place was your sense of purpose in life before you met her.
A high-quality woman will be supportive of your purpose. She will still be a high priority for you as you will spend time and energy to further develop the relationship.
Your life’s purpose comes first because you’re the captain of your ship and you steer it in the direction that you want it to.
The woman is welcome to join your fun adventure, but you won’t be disappointed if she doesn’t.
The woman who truly is “right” for you will come along and stay.
This is also true for anyone in your life. Never change who you are for anyone else. Only change for yourself because you want to be a better version of yourself.
Having confidence doesn’t mean you’re confident 24/7. Confidence is merely a state you’re in.
It isn’t the same as arrogance. A confident man doesn’t walk around and shows off his confidence; he simply is by being calm and composed in stressful situations.
He shows his confidence by taking action and going after the things he wants despite the fear of failure.
Being confident simply means you have the necessary tools to feel confident even if you don’t at the moment. It could be going for a workout or reading a chapter from your favorite book.
You already have confidence, but it might only be in a certain aspect of your life or a certain skill.
You’re confident at the workplace because you’re competent at your job.
Regardless of what area of life your confidence is the strongest, you can apply it to different areas of your life. The C.A.K.E formula defines confidence is a logical way.
C = Confidence
A = Attitude
K = Knowledge
E = Experience
Confidence is built over time by having a positive attitude, knowledge, and experience.
The positive attitude is having the willingness and mindset to try new things.
Knowledge is knowing about a particular subject. This could be learned from reading books, listening to podcasts, or talking to a mentor.
The last and most important piece of the equation is the experience. This is where you apply the knowledge through deliberate practice.
“Failure” is inevitable even though it might not come in your first few attempts. But having that positive attitude will allow you to keep trying despite your failures.
It’s in those failures that you learn the most.
Don’t be discouraged and underestimate them because they’re opportunities for growth and improvement. You build confidence every time you have positive results!
Attitude, knowledge, and experience work synergistically in a feedback loop to produce confidence.
For example, you won’t have confidence if you don’t apply what you learned (knowledge).
Also, you won’t feel confident about trying a new skill if you don’t have any knowledge about that skill.
Lastly, you won’t even attempt a new activity if you don’t have a positive attitude about trying it.
Confidence comes from competence, the proven track record that you’re able to do something.
The more you do something, the better you become at it if you’re applying the correct techniques.
This concept can be applied to anything in life.
Understand that you will be pretty bad at something new initially, but you will improve with practice. Realize that everything is a process as it requires time and effort.
Having confidence shows you’re emotionally strong and that you’re not afraid of any uncertainty that you might face.
You’re in charge of your life by taking extreme ownership and full responsibility for everything that happens.
Women find that quality extremely attractive because it subconsciously communicates to them that you can take care of yourself and her (and potentially your children) if she chose to be with you.
Women want a man who can make decisions and believes in himself. Because they’re hardwired to follow your lead, women will respect you for taking charge of your life.
Even though you make decisions, you still respect her choices as well.
For example, after a long day of work, the last thing she wants is for her to decide what to have for dinner.
As the man, you take initiative and decide while asking her opinion.
It’s in your nature to live comfortably and away from danger because your brain is hardwired for survival.
But it takes courage for a man to step out of his comfort zone and face “danger” to pursue what he wants.
You’re not going after what you want in life for the woman; you’re doing it for yourself! If the woman is gone, you’ll be in a world of pain.
Your life goes on as long as you live.
You want the woman, but you don’t need her.
Now then getting the woman just becomes a bonus.
3. Sense of Humor
Everyone likes to have fun. What easier way to have fun than to laugh?
Most men are just existing instead of living. They’re robots doing what they’re told instead of doing what they truly want.
You have bills to pay and need to “work” to create an income. But in modern culture, you have pride in working hard and staying “busy.” You create a mundane routine that numbs you over time.
Going to work on Monday mornings, coming home after work to watch television, then repeat the next four days and looking forward to the weekend so you can use that time to catch up on sleep or do something that you actually enjoy.
Becoming predictable and unoriginal, your zombie-like lifestyle becomes boring.
You walk down the street with an angry face because you’re not awakened. You lack fulfillment in life because you’re not living your dream; you’re living someone else’s dream.
But when women meet a man who’s different, who actually loves life and are able to have fun, women gravitate towards him.
“If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Having a sense of humor doesn’t mean you’re a comedian all the time. It simply means you have a well-balanced mixture of seriousness and playfulness.
Different times call for a different type of energy and you’re the judge of that.
By having some fun and laughter, it lightens up the mood and makes everything less serious, especially after a long day of work.
Women are emotional because they’re triggered more by their emotions instead of logic.
How you make them feel is much more important than what you actually say.
When you’re able to break women out of their boring routine and toss in some playfulness in the form of silly banter or challenge, they’re more inclined to play along.
Women want to be with a man who can have fun and make life more interesting.
Having a sense of humor and being funny is a skill that can be learned by surrounding yourself with your favorite type of humor.
Read a book full of jokes, listen to comedy podcasts that you enjoy, or watch YouTube videos of your favorite comedian, these are simple and easy ways that you can do to increase your sense of humor and become funnier.
Not every woman you meet will be interested in you even if you’re doing all the right things because you’re not every woman’s type.
The reason it didn’t work out isn’t that of you or her; it’s both!
She isn’t interested in you because you don’t have that certain trait that she’s looking for. It’s also because you don’t have that trait.
But there’s no right or wrong about that. It just comes down to misalignment of values and compatibility.
That’s a great way to filter out women in your life.
Be glad things didn’t work out because now it allows you the time and opportunity to meet a new woman who’s compatible with you.
Then dating becomes a numbers game.
The more women you meet, the higher chance you will have meeting a woman who’s a right fit for you.
But you can increase those chances by going to places where your definition of a high-quality woman resides.
If you value health, then don’t try to meet women at bars or nightclubs.
The likelihood of meeting a health-conscious woman there is pretty low since bars and nightclubs serve alcoholic drinks late at night.
This is the same as trying to buy a pair of slippers at the Men’s Warehouse store.
You might find a pair of slippers there if you’re lucky, but the choices are extremely limited.
Set up your environment for success and equip yourself with the proper knowledge. Have patience, apply what you’ve learned, enjoy the journey and have fun!
Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. If you do, then it’s unfair to you and her.
Both of you win when you both deserve each other.
Now go out and deserve what you want.
Please share this article with anyone who you think may find it valuable.
If you have any questions and/or comments on becoming your best version, please leave a comment below or send me an email.
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