“Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
Uphold Your Standards
To have space and time for self-reflection, I take quarterly solo backpacking trips in the wilderness.
This allows me to evaluate my life and goals without being immersed in them. Because while inside the jar, I can’t read the label that’s on the outside.
Holding a pen and notebook, I objectively scan the four pillars of my life – health, wealth, relationships, and personal growth.
To assess my progress, I ask the following:
- “What’s working?”
- “What do I want to improve on?”
- “What do I desire more of?”
- “What do I wish to reduce?”
Of the four facets, my relationships (romantic and platonic) require the most scrutiny. That’s because I meet many people on a regular basis and my social network is constantly changing.
For example, I encounter numerous people from one of my favorite hobbies which is rock climbing. And for the selective few who I connect with through engaging conversations, I would make plans to climb with them.
Taking my time and commitments seriously, I do my best to be on time and prepared to climb.
This is one standard I hold for myself.
Frequently, many people with who I made plans to climb are late, and worse yet don’t show up at all without any communication. By not being on time means my time isn’t valuable to them, a sign of disrespect.
Punctuality is one of the metrics I use in my evaluation process to determine those whose values and standards match well with mine. Other criteria may include the following:
- Reliability
- Integrity
- Considerate
- Commitment Level
- Accountability
- Responsibility
For those incongruent relationships, I chose to let them go with liberation knowing that we are not a good fit. Regardless of the depth of our relationship, I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve acquired through those past experiences.
I internalize this important distinction:
I’m not compatible with everyone I meet and vice versa.
For those connections that remain, I regularly invest time and effort in them, the same as I would for the other three areas.
This is because relationships require consistent care and love to flourish.
Invest in Reciprocal Relationships
To objectively evaluate your current relationships, ask yourself:
- “Are my connections mutual?”
- “Do they take the initiative to check in with me?”
- “Am I the one who always has to reach out to others to make plans?”
To determine the strength of your relationships, simply take a break from them. Similar to fasting for the body to detox, you can create space for your connections.
This allows two important occurrences:
- You can use this time to focus on yourself – purpose, desires, hobbies, and interests.
- This will reveal who truly cares about you.
By investing in yourself, you improve and become more valuable in the world. As a byproduct, you will identify those who treasure you.
Those who appreciate you will be proactive in reaching out to grow the connection. That’s because they know the importance of having a strong network by prioritizing the following:
- Responding to your forms of communication in a timely manner
- Showing appreciation for your thoughtful gestures
- Checking in with you on a regular basis
- Taking the initiative to make plans with you
As for those who don’t show the same level of recognition, don’t take it personally as the reason is irrelevant.
Understand this:
It’s neither right nor wrong.
To give yourself peace and closure, you can simply let them go, and shift your focus on those who do acknowledge you.
You can achieve this by reaching out to them frequently with personal messages to each individual. Perhaps you can include small details that you have learned about them from previous conversations.
Knowing their love language will also help to make them feel loved. Here are some ideas:
- Sending hand-written cards
- Creating personal videos
- Making thoughtful gifts
- Helping them with an important task
- Forging memorable experiences together
To remind yourself, put this critical assignment on your calendar.
Practice Consistency and Perseverance
Achieving and maintaining anything worthwhile requires dedication and commitment.
Take your occupation or business for example.
As a professional, you’re required to show up on time and perform on a weekly basis. In return, your employer will gladly pay for your service with monetary benefits. However, if you don’t do what is necessary, you will lose your job.
Health is another instance.
To lose weight, you must burn more calories than you consume over a sufficient amount of time. And once you reach your target, you must continue those habits of healthy eating, exercise, and proper rest for maintenance.
You can’t expect to have great fitness if you don’t consistently take care of your body.
The same goes for your relationships.
They require time and effort for preservation and growth. And the most vibrant and prosperous relationships are those in which both parties deeply care about one another. This is done by continuous effort and effective communication.
You can’t simply do it once and expect to have functional and flourishing relationships. They require frequent nurture to blossom into exceptional heights.
Closing Thoughts
We all have twenty four hours in a day, and most of it is consumed by our responsibilities, obligations, and necessities such as eating and sleeping.
And equally important is in-person human interactions, which contribute to our mental wellbeing knowing that we are not alone.
This links back to our tribal days living in communities to increase the probability of survival. Because if we were kicked out of the tribe, we would have to fend for ourselves and the chances of us living becomes extremely low.
Now knowing the significance of having meaningful connections, make a dedicated effort to maintain and grow your relationships.
With the availability of electronic mails, phone calls, and instant messages, you have the necessary tools to stay in touch with others no matter how physically far away they are from you.
Take the initiative because communication works both ways.
Have compassion in others trusting they’re doing their best to stay in your life. Continue to give without the expectation of anything in return.
By doing so, you will inevitably receive in one way or another.
I am on a mission to help 1,000,000 people, but I can’t do that without your help. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful. Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate it!
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